7/21/13. What's Outside Your Window?

This month has been full of many happenings I'm not too enlightened by I could certainly say this months has been a month of many trials. Though I wish not to discuss all of them, I do request prayer for strength, patience, and perseverance.

I have this summer been more sick physically speaking than any other time in my life that I can recall. While many are aware of my little adventure to the hospital and a following week out of the action back in June, I find myself again sick this past weekend and now. Still recuperating from last month's illness, which by the way I was recently tested for possibly to find any trace of lyme disease or thyroid issues and was given back a clean report, it's been frustrating having to take life slower than I'm used to especially with so many camps constantly coming in and out. On top of physical illness, it's been an emotional load missing friends and family constantly. If I had it my way, I'd bring everyone up here to Alaska.

Though it sounds like it's been one thing after another, I am learning to truly and fully rely of God, something I didn't realize how much more I needed to learn about and will never stop learning to do (a sigh of relief.) I'm continually also gaining a new appreciation for nature and the beautiful works of art God creates all around me. I've always enjoyed nature form little on; however, I never knew it could look like this:

Being physically unwell has forced me to stop and observe my surroundings for what they are. Being unable to do things as I normally do like work longer and harder opens up windows for me to just sit and watch as God streaks color across the canvas of the sky, fill my ears with new sounds and my nose with unfamiliar scents of the wild. Every time I am surprised and every time I am amazed at what He presents me with.

Amidst my frustrations like not being able to breathe through a stuffy nose, racing for the bathrooms every 20 minutes and sticking to a strict diet of water and saltines, I've gained a new appreciation for what I am able to see out the window.

What's outside your window?

6/17/13. My God Is Bigger

All my life I've been a rather healthy individual. I have never had health problems outside of the occasional flu or common cold. I had never been to the hospital aside from visiting friends and family. I had never been ill for more than a few days; however, it seemed that my healthy streak would abruptly crash when a new kind of illness would put me in a headlock. Though excruciating and demobilizing, I was amazed to see God's hand move through it.

Last Monday, June 10, I awoke around 6 AM with an awful migraine and nausea whenever I moved. I fell back asleep hoping it would go away in time for me to work, but to my dismay it did not relent until noon-ish. By then I was left rather exhausted and resolved to lay in bed. When a fellow intern came into the room not feeling well and lay herself down, I decided to go work in the kitchen (roughly 3:30 PM) since the camp at the time was rather large and assistance was likely needed. This put my head in a spin. Discreetly using the wall for balance I proceeded to serve food to the campers as each of them passed through the dinner line. Becoming more and more light headed I watched the clock on the far wall so that as soon as my shift was over I could go shower, slip into something cozy and relax for the evening- I had plans to watch a movie with Melanie. 6:30 finally rolled around so I grabbed some grub for myself, reluctantly consumed it (my under the weather-ness made it unappealing to eat) and headed downstairs with Melanie. She set up for a movie while I showered though once I finished I found myself laboring over my breaths. I resolved to go to the nurse's office which I found empty so I went upstairs to let someone know I didn't feel well. Climbing the stairs escalated the pain and breathing problem to the point of not being able to feel my lips and for my body to weaken significantly. The conclusion was to call an ambulance. I was put on oxygen until the medics came which seemed to help none. At some point I briefly lost consciousness.

Just before I was helped onto the stretcher someone informed me that Aaron my boyfriend had been contacted and would meet me at the hospital. I was relieved yet at the same time said a silent prayer that God would give him strength and prepare him for this visit for my God is bigger.


Barely coherent I became frustrated with the woman trying to get information from me in the ambulance. I couldn't understand most of what she said and could hardly grip the pen when she demanded my signature. I had no idea what I was signing. I was transferred to a hospital bed in the ER where I was given fluids and temporarily allowed to rest while the paramedic relayed information to the doctor whom I only saw throughout the night about three times.

Aaron showed up covered in paint from working all day- a comfort to see. (I don't know why but him being dirty still made me smile, though not externally I'm sure). He sat beside me and ever so gently took my hand in his. It hurt-everything hurt especially when touched- but I didn't want him to let go. He remained by my side the entire time while nurses poke and prodded my arms to draw blood and pump my up with fluids. Pain meds never helped and no infection of any sort was found in me. I was released despite my continuing pain and Aaron took me to his parent where he nurtured and comforted me amidst my tears and discomfort only leaving me to get me something or go to the restroom which even then was minimal. He slept on the floor beside my bed and re-awoke at my every movement. He read me devos and comic books, held me as we watched movies, and stroked me hair every chance he got. He carried me since I could not walk and prayed over me ever endlessly because our God is bigger.


He hurried me back to the ER after a couple of days when my pain seemed to worsen. Still the doctors found nothing wrong with me: I was tested for mono, strep, flu, other things. Still nothing. Aaron remained beside me as the nurses came in and out. He told me jokes, relayed text messages and calls from family and friends, and spoke to the doctor for me. Frustrated and tired I just wanted to leave. And despite everything I knew I was going to be okay in the long run because my God is bigger.

I rested and drank fluids the rest of the week until to my excitement I sat up and was able to remain sitting up for a while one day and then take my first steps on my own on Friday night, granted I used the wall for balance. Even though my strength wasn't returning as quickly as I would've liked I was still overjoyed to be able to function at all. Whenever I needed to get up, I tried my best to do things myself because I was determined to go to church on Sunday.... because my God is bigger.


Sunday I excitedly went to church with Aaron. We first went to Sunday school then to service. While I was there I was surrounded by people who were glad to see me and loved on me. I learned that the church had been praying on my behalf. It was overwhelmingly encouraging. During worship I was prayed for by a number of people who anointed me and laid hands on me asking God for my full recovery because we all believed the same thing: our God is bigger.


Refreshed and steadily regaining strength, I returned to camp today to continue my internship and my health is restored. Though I have concluded that my illness was a direct spiritual attack, I know I can never fail as long as I remember one thing: GOD IS BIGGER

6/5/13. How Mighty a Flight

I'm writing this on my break from kitchen duty. Gotta head back in about six minutes.

What a glorious day it is today: The sun is shining, a light breeze tickles my cheeks, the faint resonance of campers laughing and chanting "We love Jesus, yes we do! We love Jesus, how 'bout you?" echoes over the lake, wind chimes dining and dong with the wind, puffy white clouds sit above the distant mountains as though they rest on glass. Every so often a bird flies by that I've never seen before and I am immediately distracted by anything I was doing prior to its arrival.

One of my favorite things; however is when the variety of military aircraft pass over head. Today while working on a story I saw four of them- the Blue Angels- majestically soar across the sky casting monstrous shadows upon the water glistening below. They always look so triumphant and I feel as though I should jump up, throw a peace sign in the air, and let out a terrible war cry. I never know where they come from or where they're headed.

I saluted them today.

5/23/13. Don't You Know It's Beautiful

Yet again, a new chapter in life. The semester has come to a close, grades have been submitted, and best of all

I'M BACK IN ALASKA!!!!

Yes, 'tis true. I have returned north to the great wilderness where I am interning at the Little Beaver Camp & Retreat summer for the entire summer. I flew up with friend and boyfriend who are both staying in Alaska for other purposes; Christina also interning back in St. Michael where we were during the Spring Impact trip, and Aaron working.

How beautiful the great state I am so eager to call home (For those of you who are unaware, God has called me to Alaska. Further details are yet unknown, but what could be more exciting than the unknown?) Everywhere I look is a new scene, a new masterpiece of paint splashed over a full canvas of incandescent mountain peaks with coarse treetops for paintbrushes. Unfamiliar wildlife emerges from every corner of this new-to-me world and I can't help but laugh at the sight of such creatures, not that they're funny looking. I saw a moose yesterday and
decided to call her Melissa. I saw a teeny beaver two nights ago and named him Nelson.

The other interns and I have been put to work, but I've enjoyed all of it. Though my body screams, "OWW!! Please rest!" my mind races a million miles an hour and exclaims, "ADVENTURE!!!!" It's been a contrast of emotions being here for not even one full week yet. On none hand I'm enraptured by the unknown , but on the other find the unfamiliar people, location, and culture all rather intimidating. No matter. I have the entire summer to look forward to because God has promised me that He's gong to do something astronomical and incomprehensible. I would shout for joy had I more energy.

4/14/13. It's Not Over Yet

Life. It happens to all of us. Sometimes favorably, other times not so favorably, but it happens nonetheless. In my twenty years of living, I have been through some ups and downs, but regardless of what life threw at me whether it be lemons or daggers, time and time again God has always revealed to me this one thing: The best is yet to come.

Though I may not have realized exactly that this fact was what God was telling me at the time, I look back at see that truly the best is yet to come. It doesn't matter if the circumstances were doleful or triumphant. Either way, the best is yet to come:

Since being back in Missouri God has continued to do such phenomenal things in me, through me, and all around me. I am in complete awe! Repeatedly I have watched people be healed in the name of Jesus Christ physically, spiritually, relationally, mentally, emotionally... I've seen people instantly healed from colds, sprained body parts, migraines, lack of forgiveness, and spiritual bondage to name a few. While these are all fantastic things to behold, I know still that the best is yet to come.

I've been able to speak to a few people recently who have said similar things about their lives, that they feel that there has to be more than this. There has to be more than what they're living now. This can't possibly be it. Well let me tell you from personal experience (and I am still experiencing) that guess what? The best is yet to come! That awkward empty feeling they get in their stomachs when they start to feel the exhaustion of the mundane routines of every day of life.... That's certainly God saying, "The best is yet to come." It's not over yet. It's only a season.

I originally had something more to say when I began writing this blog post, but I no longer do. This is a shorter one for the sole purpose of informing you all that the best is yet to come. I'm hoping that this is seen as encouragement and nothing else. I certainly find it encouraging especially with everything that I've seen. For those of you who had slipped into the routine of life and are becoming restless and irritated, let me just tell you now that though not you nor I know what it is yet, THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

 

3/14/13. Seven Days and I'm Amazed

Unalakleet, Alaska

Seven days has never felt so short, yet in seven days God can accomplish so much. 19 days ago I found myself standing in an airport in Anchorage, Alaska nervous, excited, scared, exhilarated and any other combination of contradictory emotions one can think of. As I an a team of six others stood on the sidewalk my mind was having great difficulty processing the fact that I was all the way across the country in a foreign place with no idea what was to happen the rest of the week: all I knew was that God had told me to go, He was going to save some people, and at some point (Tuesday maybe?) I was supposed to preach. Oh goodness! I have to preach!

"If our God is for us, then who can
be against us?"

My stomach churned like a whirlpool as we all climbed into the van and drove off over the snow- highway to a church where we'd spend the night before we flew out to Unalakleet and then St. Michael the following day. When I laid my head on my pillow that night, my imagination began to taunt me with thoughts like, "A polar bear is going to crash through that window and eat you alive." and "You're going to wake up with no toes because of frostbite." Ridiculous, I know.

The next day we landed in St. Michael after two unnecessarily stressful flights (for whatever reason, I panicked on each plane we boarded) and I along with the team of eight found refuge in the home of missionaries Linda and Brian. They did their best to ready us for the events of that week, but nothing could prepare us for what actually happened.

1 Corinthians 2:9 "No eye

has seen, no ear has heard, no mind

has conceived what God has

prepared for those who love him."

Every single day was entirely new from the previous. One day one, I was freed from my life-controlling bondage of fear after coming face to face with a demon through another woman. God quite literally allowed me to see things that the human eye cannot normally witness. I saw chains fall off people including myself, I saw darkness flee at the Name of Jesus. As the week progressed, God did nothing but astonish me beyond words. He filled me with such a heavenly joy that all I could do was laugh nonstop. Even now, I laugh to the point of tears of some occasions. As God continued to drive out darkness from the village He also continued to transform my heart.

OH VICTORY!

For so long, I felt as though I was sliding backwards into the trap of complacency, but as soon as He bean to work in St. Michael it was as though God had released the sling shot hurling me over the walls of fear and circumspect and breaking the chains that so strongly held me to the ground. Like a wrecking ball, He tore down guard I felt so safe behind and shattered my pride and arrogance. Even now, I know I am still being made into a new creation. It's like I have to learn who I am all over again... but I love it.

No longer comfortable with, well, comfort, I find myself striving for new things: I want to be used by God in a way that would shake the world. I don't want to be silent anymore. Why? There's no time to be silent. I want to scream from the mountain tops the glory of His goodness. I'm no longer content with safety, routine, and spectating. I want to do, live on the edge, and if I slip, know that God's hand will be there to catch me.

Never before have I slept so peacefully. Averaging only 3-4 hours of sleep per night upon return to Missouri I have found myself so jubilant from the second my eyelids unveil my eyes to the moment I lay back down to sleep again.

Even since being back, my Lord continues to speak to my heart and open my eyes to things otherwise unseen and continually my heart wants to beat straight out of my chest from being so overwhelmed (in a good way, mind you.)

Oh, how I cannot begin to express how I feel. To say I am amazed, bewildered, awestruck, or astonished are such understatements. I suppose the best way to say would be- speechless.

Romans 8:37 "In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."

Ecclesiastes 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful in it time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Luke 1:47-49 "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of His servant. From now on, all generations will call me blessed."

2/17/13. Onward!

Four more days! Only four more days!

Until what, you ask? Alaska, of course! Thursday afternoon after chapel, I'll be departing the school with my valiant team to Alaska where we'll be ministering to the people of St. Michaels.

It is so amazing to see how God has blessed our team: He has created such a unity within the group and financially has provided all we need plus extra. I can't wait to see all that is going to happen on this trip as we continue to step out in faith. I know my own faith has increased throughout preparation for the trip. I'll admit at times I doubted whether or not everything would come together on time for us to leave, but then I remember if God has called us to go to Alaska, then He will equip us to go.

I'm so excited to be able to deliver a report on everything that happens while we're there. I know it's going to be such a tremendous experience.

 

12/30/12. A Plane and a Train

While on a train yesterday morning, I saw a plane. It was taking off from a nearby airport. I watched as it glided above the train through the fog then most mysteriously vanish in the heavy clouds that hung so low to the tracks. It was like a scene from a movie and I was the protagonist though the plot was still unknown to me. My anticipation of arriving in Chicago mixed with the excitement of just having witnessed this almost haunting occurrence filled me with ecstasy and made me want to hop out the window and start running at a full sprint to some awesome sound track like King Arthur or Lord of the Rings with Liam Neeson narrating the adventure.

As the train neared Union Station my heart suddenly began to race. My face burned and I gripped the edge of the seat until my fingers turned white. Not having been there since early May has caused me to miss the city something terrible. Willis (Sears) Tower stood like a beacon in the distance with its head lost in the clouds. I wanted to run to it and kiss it, but I didn't because that's just weird. The wheels on the tracks shrieked and the train swayed as it slowed. My stomach began to twist and by now my heart was beating so rapidly it hurt. The cityscape soon became the cement walls of the station and I drew in a deep breath. Legs suddenly weak, I couldn't stand right away: a most frustrating restraint on my already hyper body. Finally the train halted and I weaved through the crowd toward the exit.

As I emerged from the station on Adams, I inhaled a deep breath of frigid city air until it tickled my lungs and all of a sudden started laughing. I laughed hysterically. I even laughed until I cried. I don't much care to know what the people around me were thinking about my reaction. I stood on the bridge for a moment to regain my composure then began my prance up LaSalle. Something caught my attention from the corner of my eye and I quickly found myself over on Clark. Whilst frolicking through the concrete jungle, I spotted a woman through the window of a bank who appeared exhaustingly unamused so I stopped and waved at her like the Southwest Missourian goober that I am, but that's okay because she smiled and waved back. Eventually I reached my destination where I met up with my dear friends Jonathan and Curtis. After the exchanges of long awaited embraces, our adventures began: adventures like Mario Kart, the world's most beastly hamburgers, random YouTube videos, and Batman: the Dark Knight Rises.

The day ended all too quickly though it will forever be embedded in my memory. Saying goodbye was most tragic since I don't have a specific return date to look forward to, but rather than crying about it, I smile because it happened in the first place. So farewell, my beloved city, until our next meeting, and hello Springfield, Missouri tomorrow, for I also look forward to returning to the comfort of home.

 

10/27/12. It's Been Awhile

I came to the realization today that it's been quite some time since I last posted anything. Life has been crazy, but I can't say that's entirely a bad thing. A lot has happened within the last five months and I have been nothing short of blessed.

Since April, 2012 (my last post) I have transferred from Columbia College Chicago to Central Bible College in Missouri and am absolutely loving it. The transition was a difficult one at first going from a liberal to a Bible school. I thought that I would be judged for having been at a liberal college, but was delighted to be 100% wrong. I was warmly welcomed by everyone; faculty and students alike, and was able to bond with my roommate quickly. I soon found a circle of friends and have continued to make new ones since. The tight family atmosphere at this school amazes me.

Since starting school at CBC, God has taken me deeper in my relationship with Him than I ever could have imagined and I'm am still growing every day. The Lord has blessed me immensely; spiritually, relationally, occupationally, academically, financially,... I could go on forever. The promises He's revealed to me only make me more and more excited for the future despite its uncertainty. I couldn't ask for a better life.

When I think about where I have been and where I am now, I am astonished. I couldn't have gotten to where I am without God. Even though I knew this, a new understanding of this fact has reached my heart; while I tried for so long to forget parts of my past, I've realized that those are some of the most crucial pieces of me in that God delievered me from so much bad and used it to do good. So much good.

I couldn't ask for more.

4/25/12. 10Days till Farewell

I believe this will be my last blog post in the great city of Chicago. In 10 days, I will be on my merry way to beautiful Ozark where I shall work my little heart out all summer. This excites me greatly, having been without a job for the past eight months.

My freshman year of college has been nothing short of an adventure. I have learned so much being in the city and having to learn quickly to fend for myself in the concrete jungle. Though I've missed home to the point of being truly ill, I've met a number of amazing people whose relationships I will always cherish.

I will be transferring to Central Bible College in Springfield, MO for the Fall 2012 semester and am not planning on returning to Columbia College Chicago. I understand that many have expressed that they feel I am abandoning Columbia, but I am moving on to a new chapter in my life. I've been called to pursue Deaf Ministry at CBC and am so excited to do this.

I will admit that transferring to a Christian school frightens me a little. It seems a little crazy, but I don't know how to explain it. I understand that I will be around people who share my beliefs and know I'll be back in the Bible belt, a bit of a safe haven if you will. Perhaps it's the whole process that's a little freaky. New place, new space, new people, new school, new classes.... yet at the same time same town, near family, reunited with old friends.

Change is hard, but it's inevitable. This will be a good change and I'm so looking forward to see what the future holds.

 

3/1/12. Lazy Title

Hello. I feel like it's been a while.

Yesterday Chicago was bathed in 56 degree sun and I wore a tank top, no jacket. The wind was ridiculous. I was blinded just because my hair wouldn't stay out of my face. I'm sure I looked like a dork laughing at myself, but I'm convinced that only means that Chicagoans need to lighten up a little; they didn't crack a smile and I was laughing like a chipmunk on helium. Lake Michigan was crystal blue and there were happy puffy clouds floating over the city. Around 4 or 5PM the temperature dropped, but I made it to my dorm in my tank top without shivering. The air was still fresh, though everyone else (Frank) thought it the most terrible thing. I pick on him because he picks on me for sucking helium and for some reason he also thinks that Missourians listen to Irish folk music (huge difference between Irish and Cajun, my man). What he doesn't realize is that though country music is a huge part of the culture of the Ozarks, many other genres are enjoyed by the natives as well. I'm sure I just rocked his world by breaking it to him. *Peace out, Frank*

Today the sky is drearily overcast and the air is chilly. It's not as bitter, or fresh, as last night only because there's not as much wind. It's a homework day.

I'm running out of ideas for stories. Last semester I had countless ideas of brilliance for my Intro to Fiction Writing class, but this semester I have hardly anything. Sure others enjoy my stories, but they're just not as good as last semester. I don't want to write about monsters (this week's topic)

My roommate can't hear a thing. She's wearing her headphones with her music at full blast so I conducted a little experiment. I began talking to her at a volume that was a little louder than normal. She didn't even pause to say, "What?" I could hear the lyrics clearly. I'm surprised she's not deaf. My ears would be bleeding. I'm not doggin' on her- I just thought it was interestingly humorous.

I'm craving pickles.

My dear friend Weston is visiting me during his spring break. He'll be here in 20 1/2 days. I could cry, I'm so excited. I won't though because that's a little freaky. We're going to eat deep dish pizza and Chicago hotdogs, go to Navy Pier, Wicker Park, and Millennium Park. I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!

I feel like a hipster today. It's probably the hat. It's more like a cross between a hipster and a skater. I'm a weirdo.

2/8/12 Smells Like Sunday

I absolutely love Sunday mornings! No matter what time of the year it is- weather it be sunny, rainy, cloudy, snowy, hot, cold, tornado-y, Sundays are always gorgeous (hehe, you see that little pun I put in there? Terrible, I know.) I've felt this way since I was just a little sapling. I remember sitting in the back of my mom's oversized suburban looking out the window as she or Dad drove us to church and thinking to myself, "My, isn't it lovely?" Sundays, to me, always have a distinct freshness to them. The air is always crisp and cool and the world is a happy place. Even this week I went to church via CTA bus and as I waited at the bus stop, I noticed an unusual calmness about the city. Sure, there were still sirens blaring in the background and taxi drivers still flipping each other off, but there was something about it being a Sunday the just made the day seem friendly.

Upon boarding the bus, I greeted the bus driver who looked like she was still waking up (yikes!) and she smiled at me. I took a seat in the middle of the bus and stared out the window like a kid watching his or her favorite show on television. I love riding the bus... for the most part. It's always such an adventure. Riding the bus is an entirely different experience than walking on the sidewalk in that from the middle of the road, you can see everything whereas when walking, the things visible to you are limited because you have to choose one side of the road to walk on. When walking, you're only able to see the other side of the road as a whole scape, but on the bus it's like a front row seat in the theater of the city. On the bus, I get to observe the city safely (Yes, I am aware that bad things happen on the bus too.) The bus I take to get to church always passes by my dear roommate's place of employment. As the bus passes I always peek through the window to see if I can see her, but I usually can't (I am not stalking; I am observing from an awkward distance.) I saw her this week though and honestly, she also looked like she was still waking up, granted it was 8:30 in the morning.

When the bus reached the church I eagerly exited the bus- not before bidding the bus driver a good day- and took in a deep breath of the chilly Sunday air. Despite the stench of stale gasoline and sewage, it smelled like Sundays have always smelled to me: crisp and fresh. After church, it still smelled the same as well as later that evening. When monday rolled around, however, the air just smelled like any other day of the week; stale, smelly, and somewhat offensive.

What does Sunday smell like to you? Is there really a difference, or is it just me?... I think there's a difference.

 

1/29/12. Good Morning, Buzz Off

It is often said that city folk are cold people: they don't smile, everyone wears black, and they think you're crazy if you try and talk to them. Well, yes, it is true that most of them don't smile as they're stuck in traffic or trying to dodge cars as a pedestrian. Yes, everyone wears black because it's the formal business-y thing to do. If you try and talk to them.... well, it depends on who you are and what is coming out of your mouth. In my experience, however, no matter what is coming out of my mouth (whether it be asking for directions or what time the bus comes) I've discovered that it is best to be the weird one if what is coming from your mouth is a smile or, "Good morning! How are you?"

I like people. I suppose I've always been a people person despite my fairly recently acquired shyness. I like to see other people happy too. I like being happy myself so when I see people passing me on the sidewalk or driving me somewhere on the bus who aren't happy I want them to become happy.

Back in November I was riding the CTA bus back to my dorm and the bus stopped because of clogged traffic -gee imagine that. I stood near the door as my stop was the next and I noticed the bus driver becoming irritated so I leaned over, smiled, and said, "Beautiful day isn't it?" to which he said, "Yeah, I just wish I wasn't working so I could actually enjoy it." Taking note of his increasing irritation and non-happiness, I asked, "How are you today?" Taken aback that someone said something nice, he replied with, "I'm doin' just fine. How are you?" And this kicked off a small conversation which included him asking me about school and telling me about his day on the bus. Once traffic started moving again and we arrived at my stop, I gave him a sticker *(I always have stickers) which he laughed at and placed on his vest. Then, I hopped off the bus, bid him a good day, and continued on my way (I could hear him snickering at me as the bus doors closed.) Now, I must warn you that not everyone responds so pleasantly. I have had people reply with scowls or eye rolls or even a sharp, "None of your business!" but most often the people I greet are warmed by friendliness and are more than eager to be nice back... especially if you have stickers.

Today, I went to a new church; The Moody Church on North LaSalle by the Chicago History Museum. I was warmly welcome by everyone who sat around me and was shown to the visitor/newcomers room so I could get connected. After my lovely experience, I got on the bus to return to my dorm room. As I dug my bus pass out of my pocket, I looked at the bus driver, a black man who appeared to be in his late 40's or early 50's and asked, "How are you today sir?"

He returned the smile and said, "I'm doing well. How are you, young lady?" And I answered honestly by informing him how wonderful my morning had been. I stepped out of the way for the other passengers to board because I still couldn't find my pass (don't worry, I found it after we reached the next light) and he asked me, "Did you just come from Moody?"

"Yes. And it was a great sermon this morning." I told him.

Then he reluctantly told me as if almost embarrassed to say so, "I was invited to go a few months ago but I never did."

Do I lightheartedly told him, "Well you should go. It's awesome!"

He smirked and said, "Yeah, maybe."

I raised an eyebrow, finally found my bus pass and stuck it in the scanner thingy, and inquired, "Do you do you know anyone there?" He said no.

"I could meet you there." I offered. He laughed at me as though I was kidding but then I stopped him with, "No really." He thought for a minute, honked at a taxi in front of him, then asked,

"How would I know to meet you?"

"I could wait by the front door."

He chuckled, still thinking I was joking so I told him, "Sunday school is at 8:30 and 11:30. Service is at 9:50. They have Sunday night services at 5:00 and Wednesday night prayer service at 6:45. I could meet you by the door and then we can go to service."

He wasn't laughing anymore."You would sit with me so I don't have to sit by myself in that big church?"

"Yes. I'll give you my number so you can tell me when you're coming and I'll wait for you." I sat down and wrote down my number and the service times for him. I was the last one on the bus so when we reached my stop, he stepped off the bus and escorted me to the corner light where he then thanked me and informed me that he'd love to come next Sunday.

 

12/7/11 Blessed Beyond What I Deserve

While relaxing and snuggling under my blanket this afternoon, my brain began to think. My brain does this often, but not always about very profound things. Today, however, I began to think about my life -past, present, and future - and I realized how far I have come. I am so blessed! In don't understand why, I just know that I am.

Some people ask me why I have it all together and how come my life is always so great. To them I say, "I don't have it all together. My life is not always so great, but because God loves me and I have declared Him as my Savior, He guides me so I follow. He loves me. Oh, how He loves me." I have gone through many hardships throughout my lifetime yet because I choose to trust in God and believe that He's going to get me through it, I always know that I'm going to be okay. Sometimes I find myself in a valley and it feels like there's no way out, but that's when God equips me with the gear I need to climb back up that mountain.

Especially throughout my teen years, I've had to deal with things many individuals believe no child should ever have to deal with and some things many adults haven't even encountered. The encouraging thing about this statement is that God allowed me to deal with those things for a reason and I am stronger for it. As a result of my continuously chasing Him and relying on Him to sustain me, I've found myself reaching my goals one at a time. A few examples include: a scholarship to Columbia, divine opportunities, becoming involved and making a difference, etc...

I find also that I am never alone. God takes care of me day by day. Though sometimes the devil tries to tell me that I am not special, I am unloved, or that God doesn't care, God quickly trumps those lies with truths like, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made."- Psalm 139:14; "So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."- Isaiah 41:10; and "Cast your burdens upon Jesus for he cares for you."1 Peter 5:7. Thinking about these things my day immediately went from dismal and tiring to uplifting and bright.

Because I know that there is hope, I pray every day that my life would be an encouragement to others. I pray they would also partake in the life that is only found in Him and that they will also know that they are so loved.

12/2/11. In a Timely Fashion

I must say that I am quite proud of myself. This week, I was able to finish ALL of my homework in two days. On Monday and Tuesday, I completely isolated myself at my desk and did not move unless absolutely necessary (i.e. class, bathroom break, food, or sleep). Not only did I complete all my homework, but I also skipped ahead in my ASL book so I am now covered for homework for the next unit as well. I celebrated with strawberries and cream cheese.

It wasn't until I finished all my work that I realized how bad the people around me procrastinate (it's okay, they know and I'm just saying.) I usually don't care, but I didn't really seem to notice much until I was the one with no one to hang out with because of it. This being said, I think we can all say that "Work now, play later" is a wonderful moral to live by. Columbia has an event happening this evening- some sort of poetry gig- but after watching the advertisement for it, I realized it probably isn't a good idea to go.

Now I am stuck in my room...a very boring place to be alone.

My roommate has gone home for the weekend, both suite mates are out and about (one's at work, one's with her boyfriend) and the guys are, um, I don't know. I just know they're busy.

I would watch a movie, but I'm kind of movie'd out. I will probably make embroidery thread bracelets, draw henna on myself, do my nails, and end up watching a movie anyway. Yes, I enjoy those things, but it's not as fun by myself. I want to go outside, but it's not as fun at night. I'm definitely a daytime person. I took a lengthy nap this afternoon/evening so it's probably going to be a long night.

Eh, we'll see.

 

11/11/11. I'm a Missouri Girl

For so long I have tried to maintain a Northern accent; I entertained the way I would pronounce certain vowels as the people native to Illinois do and would avoid saying things like "ya'll" and "thang" and the more extreme "howdy." For years I tried to convince myself that I am a Northern girl and that I didn't want to be identified as a redneck from the south. I always told myself that I am going to go home: that I'm going to move back to Illinois and leave the southern experiences behind. Now that I am in Chicago; however, I realize more and more everyday that I am truly a Missouri girl by heart. Ozark has established a place for itself in my heart and there's no way to get rid of it. I may not say "ya'll" or "Howdy," but I've been caught saying "thang" and using quick Missourian slurs when I get a playful 'in-your-face' attitude with other people. Others here can pick me out for a newbie any day.

 

I miss Missouri. Despite its horrible weather: tornadoes, the Finley flooding every year, unbearably humid summers, and deadly ice storms- I want to go back. If I could, I would hop on the train right now (because that's what we have here in Chicago) and head straight for good 'ol MO. There's so much that I miss like: Mom, cousins, grandparents, aunts & uncles, best friends, James River, Rib Crib co-workers, Wal Mart, Orange Leaf, thunder storms, fresh air, my doggies, my own bed room, stars, 1995 Ford Taurus SHO, babysitting, free laundry, Christian radio station, go-carts, $1 movies, 7% tax, cell phone reception, the dollar store..... to name a few.

In Missouri, one doesn't have to worry about what lurks around the corner- a mugger? a salesman? (both are equally as dangerous, you know.) It's not everyday in Ozark that you see in the newspaper: MAN STABBED TO DEATH ON TRAIN PLATFORM AT UIC/HALSTED.

or

COLLEGE KID STEALS MAN'S PHONE AT GUN POINT AT HARRISON CTA STATION (that's right outside my dorm, fyi.) Springfield, MO has a high-ish crime rate, yes, but walking outside should be something one can do without worry. These kinds of headlines are what I see everyday in Chicago.

I miss the peace and quiet of Ozark. I miss being able to sleep at night and to know that when I wake up in the morning it won't be because of sirens blaring outside my window or drunk people stumbling down the hall at 5 AM.

Thanksgiving break is in ten days. I can't wait.

10/12/11 Random Thoughts...Very Random

Living in a dorm is quite interesting. It's not like sharing a room in anything different because I have years of experience doing that. I just find it humorous that even though there are only supposed to be two people living in 802-A (that's my room, FYI) it seems as though eight live here. Since we have the TV, naturally, movie lovers (everyone in my little friend circle) are going to flock to it. I don't mind this most of the time. In fact coming back from my late night class and walking in on a bunch of goobers fixed to the screen is quite laughable. Example; last night, I went to my dorm room (or hotel room as some would refer to it as) I walked in to my roomie, suit mates, and four other friends all intently watching the Lion King II: Simba's Pride. The lights were out and some of them were mumbling the words to one of the songs. On the contrary, they were also over-analyzing the movie and commenting on how Disney inaccurately portrayed the male and female roles of a real lion pride and how, "Kiara totally saved Kovu's butt. He's a wimp." In fact, as I am writing this entry and my roommate asks about what I'm writing. When I tell her she exclaims, "It's true! Same with the Beast from Beauty and the Beast. He became such a jerk." Good grief.

I don't sleep very much anymore. I've been averaging about 5 hours of sleep a night, often less. I don't know why this is. It could be because of all the partying that goes on EVERY night down the hall. It could be because my roommate is an insomniac- she leaves the light on all the time and even when she turns it off, I can hear her music or the harsh light of the laptop screen pierces through my eyelids. It could also be because I so often feel lonely and want to go home. It could be because even though I'm going to church, I still don't feel connected. Now that I think about it though, I'm beginning to think it's all of the above. Well, stink.

You know where I really want to go? Medieval Times! It's been years since I've been there, and it's no wonder because the place is so darn expensive. One time when I was there, the knight for our 'team' won a tournament. He was given a few flowers to give to the maidens of his choice sitting in his section of the audience. I got one of the flowers.

Sometimes I see pennies lying on the sidewalks here in Chicago. Usually, I get excited and keep them because as we all know, "A penny saved is a penny earned." Though lately, I've noticed that there aren't a lot of pennies left on the sidewalks. I'm thinking this is because of the surplus of homeless people. They find a penny and their whole world changes (probably not that much, but more than mine.) Now when I see pennies on the ground, I think twice and decide to leave them there for the homeless people. I've also noticed; however, that sometimes the same penny will be sitting in the same spot as the day before. No one picked it up. If this is the case, I keep it for myself then. I'm doing a little experiment for my own entertainment. There is a penny stuck on one of the lobby doors: it is wedged between the window and the handle bar (you know, the bar you push on public glass doors and the door will unlatch.) It's been there for a few weeks now. I'm waiting to see how long it'll stay there before someone removes it. I'll probably be the one who ends up removing it.

That's pretty much it for now. So until next time think about it: how much does it really matter how well Walt Disney portrayed life? What keeps you awake? Wouldn't you be flattered if a knight in shining armor brought you a flower? and last but not least, would you keep or leave the penny?

Tah!

 

10/2/11. Fly Away

This evening while playing soccer at the beach with some friends, I found myself daydreaming. My head felt as though it would burst at the seams. I could hardly focus on the game. Finally when the game started to die down (it didn't last long anyway) I tiptoed over the sand toward the Great Lake. I stepped so lightly, I hardly left a single print in the sand. I reached the water's edge and let the cool wetness glaze over my toes. The water looked like fingers crawling up the beach toward my feet with the sole intention of dragging me back into the Michigan with it. Waves barreled over each other and sloppily splashed into the air. The chilly breeze tangled whisps of hair around my face tickling my skin.

I suddenly had the urge to fly so with arms outstretched, I raced down the beach kicking up water behind me dampening my jeans. For a moment, I truly believed that if I ran fast enough, the wind would lift me off the ground and carry me away as I danced through the stars. I stopped at the end of the beach and gazed longingly into the waves beating mercilessly at the cement barrier wall on the edge of the sidewalk. Without realizing, I began to sing, "I'll fly away O glory. I'll fly away. When I die hallelujah bye and bye. I'll fly away."

I looked back and saw my friends sitting in the sand talking to one another, completely oblivious to my fantasy. I didn't care. In that moment it was just me and... there was something else too. God was there with me and I felt a peace that I haven't felt lately; a peace that surpasses all understanding. I dug my toes into the sand and felt a smile spread across my face like a comet streaked across the sky. I just stood there frozen in time taking in all the splendor of the night. My toes began to freeze and I realized that they were still burying deeper and deeper into the beach's soft skin. I spun around and bounded back across the wet, mushy surface to the rest of the group. Several yards behind where they had been sitting, I noticed a gathering of people lighting hundreds of white candles in the sand. The candles flickered like fireflies in an open field.

We all made our way toward the sidewalk to put our shoes back on then began to walk back to the train station. I took off running down the sidewalk flapping my arms like a bird desperate to escape. I could feel angels carrying me over the pavement.

I know I'll return there again soon. The peace and joy I felt in that moment were so overwhelming. I was just myself with no outside pressures or distractions. I could fly- I was free!

Some glad morning when

this life is over,

I'll fly away.

To a home on God's celestial shore,

I'll fly away.

I'll fly away, O Glory,

I'll fly away. (In the morning)

When I die, Hallelujah, bye and bye,

I'll fly away.

When the shadows of

this life are gone,

I'll fly away.

Like a bird from prison bars has flown

I'll fly away.

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I'll fly away, O Glory,

I'll fly away. (In the morning)

When I die, Hallelujah, bye and bye,

I'll fly away.

Just a few more weary days and then,

I'll fly away.

To a land where joy shall never end,

I'll fly away.

I'll fly away, O Glory,

I'll fly away. (In the morning)

When I die, Hallelujah, bye and bye,

I'll fly away.