12/30/12. A Plane and a Train

While on a train yesterday morning, I saw a plane. It was taking off from a nearby airport. I watched as it glided above the train through the fog then most mysteriously vanish in the heavy clouds that hung so low to the tracks. It was like a scene from a movie and I was the protagonist though the plot was still unknown to me. My anticipation of arriving in Chicago mixed with the excitement of just having witnessed this almost haunting occurrence filled me with ecstasy and made me want to hop out the window and start running at a full sprint to some awesome sound track like King Arthur or Lord of the Rings with Liam Neeson narrating the adventure.

As the train neared Union Station my heart suddenly began to race. My face burned and I gripped the edge of the seat until my fingers turned white. Not having been there since early May has caused me to miss the city something terrible. Willis (Sears) Tower stood like a beacon in the distance with its head lost in the clouds. I wanted to run to it and kiss it, but I didn't because that's just weird. The wheels on the tracks shrieked and the train swayed as it slowed. My stomach began to twist and by now my heart was beating so rapidly it hurt. The cityscape soon became the cement walls of the station and I drew in a deep breath. Legs suddenly weak, I couldn't stand right away: a most frustrating restraint on my already hyper body. Finally the train halted and I weaved through the crowd toward the exit.

As I emerged from the station on Adams, I inhaled a deep breath of frigid city air until it tickled my lungs and all of a sudden started laughing. I laughed hysterically. I even laughed until I cried. I don't much care to know what the people around me were thinking about my reaction. I stood on the bridge for a moment to regain my composure then began my prance up LaSalle. Something caught my attention from the corner of my eye and I quickly found myself over on Clark. Whilst frolicking through the concrete jungle, I spotted a woman through the window of a bank who appeared exhaustingly unamused so I stopped and waved at her like the Southwest Missourian goober that I am, but that's okay because she smiled and waved back. Eventually I reached my destination where I met up with my dear friends Jonathan and Curtis. After the exchanges of long awaited embraces, our adventures began: adventures like Mario Kart, the world's most beastly hamburgers, random YouTube videos, and Batman: the Dark Knight Rises.

The day ended all too quickly though it will forever be embedded in my memory. Saying goodbye was most tragic since I don't have a specific return date to look forward to, but rather than crying about it, I smile because it happened in the first place. So farewell, my beloved city, until our next meeting, and hello Springfield, Missouri tomorrow, for I also look forward to returning to the comfort of home.

 

10/27/12. It's Been Awhile

I came to the realization today that it's been quite some time since I last posted anything. Life has been crazy, but I can't say that's entirely a bad thing. A lot has happened within the last five months and I have been nothing short of blessed.

Since April, 2012 (my last post) I have transferred from Columbia College Chicago to Central Bible College in Missouri and am absolutely loving it. The transition was a difficult one at first going from a liberal to a Bible school. I thought that I would be judged for having been at a liberal college, but was delighted to be 100% wrong. I was warmly welcomed by everyone; faculty and students alike, and was able to bond with my roommate quickly. I soon found a circle of friends and have continued to make new ones since. The tight family atmosphere at this school amazes me.

Since starting school at CBC, God has taken me deeper in my relationship with Him than I ever could have imagined and I'm am still growing every day. The Lord has blessed me immensely; spiritually, relationally, occupationally, academically, financially,... I could go on forever. The promises He's revealed to me only make me more and more excited for the future despite its uncertainty. I couldn't ask for a better life.

When I think about where I have been and where I am now, I am astonished. I couldn't have gotten to where I am without God. Even though I knew this, a new understanding of this fact has reached my heart; while I tried for so long to forget parts of my past, I've realized that those are some of the most crucial pieces of me in that God delievered me from so much bad and used it to do good. So much good.

I couldn't ask for more.

4/25/12. 10Days till Farewell

I believe this will be my last blog post in the great city of Chicago. In 10 days, I will be on my merry way to beautiful Ozark where I shall work my little heart out all summer. This excites me greatly, having been without a job for the past eight months.

My freshman year of college has been nothing short of an adventure. I have learned so much being in the city and having to learn quickly to fend for myself in the concrete jungle. Though I've missed home to the point of being truly ill, I've met a number of amazing people whose relationships I will always cherish.

I will be transferring to Central Bible College in Springfield, MO for the Fall 2012 semester and am not planning on returning to Columbia College Chicago. I understand that many have expressed that they feel I am abandoning Columbia, but I am moving on to a new chapter in my life. I've been called to pursue Deaf Ministry at CBC and am so excited to do this.

I will admit that transferring to a Christian school frightens me a little. It seems a little crazy, but I don't know how to explain it. I understand that I will be around people who share my beliefs and know I'll be back in the Bible belt, a bit of a safe haven if you will. Perhaps it's the whole process that's a little freaky. New place, new space, new people, new school, new classes.... yet at the same time same town, near family, reunited with old friends.

Change is hard, but it's inevitable. This will be a good change and I'm so looking forward to see what the future holds.

 

3/1/12. Lazy Title

Hello. I feel like it's been a while.

Yesterday Chicago was bathed in 56 degree sun and I wore a tank top, no jacket. The wind was ridiculous. I was blinded just because my hair wouldn't stay out of my face. I'm sure I looked like a dork laughing at myself, but I'm convinced that only means that Chicagoans need to lighten up a little; they didn't crack a smile and I was laughing like a chipmunk on helium. Lake Michigan was crystal blue and there were happy puffy clouds floating over the city. Around 4 or 5PM the temperature dropped, but I made it to my dorm in my tank top without shivering. The air was still fresh, though everyone else (Frank) thought it the most terrible thing. I pick on him because he picks on me for sucking helium and for some reason he also thinks that Missourians listen to Irish folk music (huge difference between Irish and Cajun, my man). What he doesn't realize is that though country music is a huge part of the culture of the Ozarks, many other genres are enjoyed by the natives as well. I'm sure I just rocked his world by breaking it to him. *Peace out, Frank*

Today the sky is drearily overcast and the air is chilly. It's not as bitter, or fresh, as last night only because there's not as much wind. It's a homework day.

I'm running out of ideas for stories. Last semester I had countless ideas of brilliance for my Intro to Fiction Writing class, but this semester I have hardly anything. Sure others enjoy my stories, but they're just not as good as last semester. I don't want to write about monsters (this week's topic)

My roommate can't hear a thing. She's wearing her headphones with her music at full blast so I conducted a little experiment. I began talking to her at a volume that was a little louder than normal. She didn't even pause to say, "What?" I could hear the lyrics clearly. I'm surprised she's not deaf. My ears would be bleeding. I'm not doggin' on her- I just thought it was interestingly humorous.

I'm craving pickles.

My dear friend Weston is visiting me during his spring break. He'll be here in 20 1/2 days. I could cry, I'm so excited. I won't though because that's a little freaky. We're going to eat deep dish pizza and Chicago hotdogs, go to Navy Pier, Wicker Park, and Millennium Park. I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!

I feel like a hipster today. It's probably the hat. It's more like a cross between a hipster and a skater. I'm a weirdo.

2/8/12 Smells Like Sunday

I absolutely love Sunday mornings! No matter what time of the year it is- weather it be sunny, rainy, cloudy, snowy, hot, cold, tornado-y, Sundays are always gorgeous (hehe, you see that little pun I put in there? Terrible, I know.) I've felt this way since I was just a little sapling. I remember sitting in the back of my mom's oversized suburban looking out the window as she or Dad drove us to church and thinking to myself, "My, isn't it lovely?" Sundays, to me, always have a distinct freshness to them. The air is always crisp and cool and the world is a happy place. Even this week I went to church via CTA bus and as I waited at the bus stop, I noticed an unusual calmness about the city. Sure, there were still sirens blaring in the background and taxi drivers still flipping each other off, but there was something about it being a Sunday the just made the day seem friendly.

Upon boarding the bus, I greeted the bus driver who looked like she was still waking up (yikes!) and she smiled at me. I took a seat in the middle of the bus and stared out the window like a kid watching his or her favorite show on television. I love riding the bus... for the most part. It's always such an adventure. Riding the bus is an entirely different experience than walking on the sidewalk in that from the middle of the road, you can see everything whereas when walking, the things visible to you are limited because you have to choose one side of the road to walk on. When walking, you're only able to see the other side of the road as a whole scape, but on the bus it's like a front row seat in the theater of the city. On the bus, I get to observe the city safely (Yes, I am aware that bad things happen on the bus too.) The bus I take to get to church always passes by my dear roommate's place of employment. As the bus passes I always peek through the window to see if I can see her, but I usually can't (I am not stalking; I am observing from an awkward distance.) I saw her this week though and honestly, she also looked like she was still waking up, granted it was 8:30 in the morning.

When the bus reached the church I eagerly exited the bus- not before bidding the bus driver a good day- and took in a deep breath of the chilly Sunday air. Despite the stench of stale gasoline and sewage, it smelled like Sundays have always smelled to me: crisp and fresh. After church, it still smelled the same as well as later that evening. When monday rolled around, however, the air just smelled like any other day of the week; stale, smelly, and somewhat offensive.

What does Sunday smell like to you? Is there really a difference, or is it just me?... I think there's a difference.

 

1/29/12. Good Morning, Buzz Off

It is often said that city folk are cold people: they don't smile, everyone wears black, and they think you're crazy if you try and talk to them. Well, yes, it is true that most of them don't smile as they're stuck in traffic or trying to dodge cars as a pedestrian. Yes, everyone wears black because it's the formal business-y thing to do. If you try and talk to them.... well, it depends on who you are and what is coming out of your mouth. In my experience, however, no matter what is coming out of my mouth (whether it be asking for directions or what time the bus comes) I've discovered that it is best to be the weird one if what is coming from your mouth is a smile or, "Good morning! How are you?"

I like people. I suppose I've always been a people person despite my fairly recently acquired shyness. I like to see other people happy too. I like being happy myself so when I see people passing me on the sidewalk or driving me somewhere on the bus who aren't happy I want them to become happy.

Back in November I was riding the CTA bus back to my dorm and the bus stopped because of clogged traffic -gee imagine that. I stood near the door as my stop was the next and I noticed the bus driver becoming irritated so I leaned over, smiled, and said, "Beautiful day isn't it?" to which he said, "Yeah, I just wish I wasn't working so I could actually enjoy it." Taking note of his increasing irritation and non-happiness, I asked, "How are you today?" Taken aback that someone said something nice, he replied with, "I'm doin' just fine. How are you?" And this kicked off a small conversation which included him asking me about school and telling me about his day on the bus. Once traffic started moving again and we arrived at my stop, I gave him a sticker *(I always have stickers) which he laughed at and placed on his vest. Then, I hopped off the bus, bid him a good day, and continued on my way (I could hear him snickering at me as the bus doors closed.) Now, I must warn you that not everyone responds so pleasantly. I have had people reply with scowls or eye rolls or even a sharp, "None of your business!" but most often the people I greet are warmed by friendliness and are more than eager to be nice back... especially if you have stickers.

Today, I went to a new church; The Moody Church on North LaSalle by the Chicago History Museum. I was warmly welcome by everyone who sat around me and was shown to the visitor/newcomers room so I could get connected. After my lovely experience, I got on the bus to return to my dorm room. As I dug my bus pass out of my pocket, I looked at the bus driver, a black man who appeared to be in his late 40's or early 50's and asked, "How are you today sir?"

He returned the smile and said, "I'm doing well. How are you, young lady?" And I answered honestly by informing him how wonderful my morning had been. I stepped out of the way for the other passengers to board because I still couldn't find my pass (don't worry, I found it after we reached the next light) and he asked me, "Did you just come from Moody?"

"Yes. And it was a great sermon this morning." I told him.

Then he reluctantly told me as if almost embarrassed to say so, "I was invited to go a few months ago but I never did."

Do I lightheartedly told him, "Well you should go. It's awesome!"

He smirked and said, "Yeah, maybe."

I raised an eyebrow, finally found my bus pass and stuck it in the scanner thingy, and inquired, "Do you do you know anyone there?" He said no.

"I could meet you there." I offered. He laughed at me as though I was kidding but then I stopped him with, "No really." He thought for a minute, honked at a taxi in front of him, then asked,

"How would I know to meet you?"

"I could wait by the front door."

He chuckled, still thinking I was joking so I told him, "Sunday school is at 8:30 and 11:30. Service is at 9:50. They have Sunday night services at 5:00 and Wednesday night prayer service at 6:45. I could meet you by the door and then we can go to service."

He wasn't laughing anymore."You would sit with me so I don't have to sit by myself in that big church?"

"Yes. I'll give you my number so you can tell me when you're coming and I'll wait for you." I sat down and wrote down my number and the service times for him. I was the last one on the bus so when we reached my stop, he stepped off the bus and escorted me to the corner light where he then thanked me and informed me that he'd love to come next Sunday.

 

12/7/11 Blessed Beyond What I Deserve

While relaxing and snuggling under my blanket this afternoon, my brain began to think. My brain does this often, but not always about very profound things. Today, however, I began to think about my life -past, present, and future - and I realized how far I have come. I am so blessed! In don't understand why, I just know that I am.

Some people ask me why I have it all together and how come my life is always so great. To them I say, "I don't have it all together. My life is not always so great, but because God loves me and I have declared Him as my Savior, He guides me so I follow. He loves me. Oh, how He loves me." I have gone through many hardships throughout my lifetime yet because I choose to trust in God and believe that He's going to get me through it, I always know that I'm going to be okay. Sometimes I find myself in a valley and it feels like there's no way out, but that's when God equips me with the gear I need to climb back up that mountain.

Especially throughout my teen years, I've had to deal with things many individuals believe no child should ever have to deal with and some things many adults haven't even encountered. The encouraging thing about this statement is that God allowed me to deal with those things for a reason and I am stronger for it. As a result of my continuously chasing Him and relying on Him to sustain me, I've found myself reaching my goals one at a time. A few examples include: a scholarship to Columbia, divine opportunities, becoming involved and making a difference, etc...

I find also that I am never alone. God takes care of me day by day. Though sometimes the devil tries to tell me that I am not special, I am unloved, or that God doesn't care, God quickly trumps those lies with truths like, "You are fearfully and wonderfully made."- Psalm 139:14; "So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."- Isaiah 41:10; and "Cast your burdens upon Jesus for he cares for you."1 Peter 5:7. Thinking about these things my day immediately went from dismal and tiring to uplifting and bright.

Because I know that there is hope, I pray every day that my life would be an encouragement to others. I pray they would also partake in the life that is only found in Him and that they will also know that they are so loved.